Elevating Others Without Losing Yourself
I can’t count the number of times in my career when I was told, “You’d be such a great mentor.”
Or, “We need you to help coach the new person.”
Or even, “You’re so good at bringing people together—we need you in this meeting to keep the peace.”
At first, I wore those words like a badge of honor.
I was proud to be trusted. Proud to be the steady one. Proud to lift others.
But over time, I noticed something troubling.
While I was elevating everyone else, my own career was standing still.
I was the glue that held teams together, but glue doesn’t get promoted.
I was the safety net for new hires, but nets don’t get noticed.
I was the behind-the-scenes problem solver, but those who created the problems were the ones getting visibility at the table.
That’s when I realized:
Elevating others is powerful. But if you do it without boundaries, without strategy, and without advocating for yourself—you can lose yourself in the process.
The Traps We Fall Into
The Double Bind
Women are expected to nurture. When we don’t, we’re labeled as cold or unapproachable.
But when we do, it often comes at the expense of our own advancement.
Invisible Labor
Mentoring, coaching, smoothing team dynamics, volunteering for the “extra” work—it’s valuable, but it rarely shows up on performance reviews. Men who sponsor others get rewarded as “leaders.” Women who do it get thanked quietly… then passed over.
The Unspoken Rule
In male-dominated spaces, we sometimes feel like we must prove we’re not only capable, but generous, supportive, selfless. The unspoken rule is: be the team player, don’t rock the boat, give more than you take.
The problem is, that rule keeps us stuck.
What Elevating Without Losing Yourself Looks Like
Here’s the truth:
You don’t have to stop elevating others.
You just need to stop doing it in ways that erase you.
Step 1: Redefine Help as Strategy
Not every request deserves a “yes.” Ask yourself:
Does this request align with my own goals?
Does it build visibility for me, too—or only for others?
Will this drain me, or does it energize me?
If the answer is no across the board—it’s not your assignment.
Step 2: Protect Your Flight Plan
Every pilot knows you can’t fly in circles and still reach your destination.
Your career has a destination, too.
That means:
Setting boundaries when “extra work” competes with your priorities
Saying yes to roles and projects that move you forward
Communicating your goals clearly, so others know where you’re heading
You’re not abandoning others—you’re refusing to abandon yourself.
Step 3: Lift While You Lead
True elevation isn’t about giving everything away. It’s about rising in such a way that your altitude creates lift for others.
That looks like:
Sponsoring someone for a stretch assignment and making sure your own contributions are visible
Modeling boundaries so others see what’s possible
Using your position to advocate for others once you’ve claimed your seat
When you rise strategically, you carry others higher than you ever could by staying small.
The Shift
For years, I believed my value was in how much I gave away.
But the shift came when I realized:
I don’t have to lose myself to lift others.
I can elevate while being elevated.
I can give without depleting.
I can be generous and ambitious.
And so can you.
Reflection for You
Ask yourself:
Where am I over-giving without recognition or return?
What’s one place I can set a boundary this week?
How can I make sure my own goals don’t get lost in the shadow of my generosity?
Remember: The higher you rise, the more space you create for others to follow.
If you’ve been pouring into others until there’s nothing left for you, it’s time for a reset.
Breaking the Cycle: 7 Hidden Signs It’s Time to Level Up—and Lead
Or, if you’re ready to go deeper, let’s talk.
Schedule a call with me today and we’ll map out how you can elevate yourself and others—without losing sight of your own goals.
Beyond the cockpit. Beyond the expectations. Beyond the flight deck.
This is about more than mentorship—it’s about legacy.
And legacy requires that you rise, too.
Until next week,
Dana