Stop Shrinking to Make Others Comfortable
You’ve probably done it without even realizing:
Softened your tone so you wouldn’t come across as “intense.”
Held back a brilliant idea so you wouldn’t “outshine” a colleague.
Taken on more work without credit — just to keep the peace.
Smiled through something that made you uncomfortable — because pushing back felt risky.
That’s not humility. That’s self-erasure.
In male-dominated industries like aviation and aerospace, too many women are praised for being “easy to work with,” “supportive,” and “team players” —
But never promoted for being bold, brilliant, or visionary.
And over time, we start to believe that shrinking is strategic.
That downplaying ourselves is how we stay safe.
That “fitting in” is the best we can hope for.
But here’s the hard truth:
Every time you shrink to make others comfortable, you make yourself invisible.
And invisible women don’t get the promotion.
They don’t get the resources.
They don’t get to lead.
Shrinking Isn’t the Solution — It’s the Problem
Let’s call this behavior what it really is:
Survival.
Shrinking can be a coping mechanism in environments where:
Confidence is called arrogance
Directness is called aggression
Assertiveness is called “not being a team player”
So we tone it down. Smooth the edges. Make ourselves smaller.
And then wonder why we feel overlooked, undervalued, and exhausted.
But the goal isn’t to become more tolerable.
The goal is to become more true — and to lead from that place.
You Weren’t Meant to Fit In — You Were Meant to Stand Out
Here’s what I’ve learned in nearly four decades of navigating this industry:
Trying to “not be too much” is a full-time job.
And it will never get you where you want to go.
You don’t need to dull your light to make others comfortable.
You don’t need to apologize for your ambition, your intensity, or your standards.
You don’t need to shrink — not one bit — to be effective.
What you need is to stand firmly in who you are and what you bring.
Especially when it challenges the status quo.
Shrinking Looks Like…
Holding back in meetings until someone else says what you were thinking
Apologizing before giving feedback
Saying yes when every part of you is screaming no
Avoiding leadership opportunities because “someone else is better suited”
Second-guessing your worth because you make others uncomfortable with your clarity
And if this feels familiar… it’s not your fault.
But it is your responsibility to change it.
What Standing Tall Looks Like Instead
You don’t have to bulldoze. You don’t have to become someone else.
You just have to stop editing the best parts of yourself for someone else’s comfort.
Speak your ideas — without disclaimers
Say no with confidence
Set boundaries you don’t justify
Own your ambition
Lead like the kind of woman you needed earlier in your career
Because when you stop shrinking, you create space — not just for yourself, but for every woman coming up behind you.
Beyond the Cockpit
You weren’t made to fit into systems that silence you.
You were made to reshape them.
To take up space with power, clarity, and purpose.
To stop apologizing for your presence — and start owning your impact.
Stop shrinking.
Start leading.
Exactly as you are.
Ready to Break the Cycle?
Start here:
Download the free guide: “Breaking the Cycle: 7 Hidden Signs It’s Time to Level Up — and Lead”
If you’ve been stuck in proving mode, this guide is your wake-up call. Learn how to spot the invisible patterns holding you back — and what to do about them.
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